An Explanation of The Upcoming Kinja Changes

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 08/14/2014 at 09:06 • Filed to: oppositelock

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As there are several new people to Oppositelock and the rest of the Kinjaverse, there may be some confusion over what is going on around here these next few days. I, your Arch Duke Maxyenko, The First of Oppositelock, have written this friendly explanation to help you learn more about what's happening.

First of all, some royal douchebags have decided to fuck things up for everyone, hence the lack of images in the comments. There has also been a wave of spambots which are annoying as itchy balls on a hot, humid, mid-August day. So, in order to combat these existential threat, the overlords of Kinja have decided to roll back the clock to the pre-Tiger days, (Tiger is the current Kinja format, if you were unaware). We will still have all of the dysfunctional functions of Tiger, but there will be one massive change. One change to rule them all. The Grey.

The Grey is the fog of Kinja. Much like my days in 'Nam, the fog conceals all of the unknown. In the fog of Kinja lurks potential friends and foes alike. There might also be landmines of porn gifs, rape gifs, murder gifs, and spambots. There are ways of being freed of the grey shackles that might bind you to the shit pile.

These ways are as follows:

-Be a Moderator.

-Be an Author.

-Bribe the Moderators.

-Be a L337 Haxor.

-Be a Level 10 Black Mage.

-Be a Level 30 Conquistador.

-Be a Level 2 Harlot.

-Be a Level 20 Knight.

-Be a Level 99 Grand Wizard.

-Be a Columbian Drug Lord.

-Be a Time Lord.

If you are none of these things, that sucks to be you. But, don't fret you can always level up by finding a +1UP, buying a 7Up Mustang, or just grinding your way through the comment forest concealed in the fog.

However, there are also ways of being banished back into The Grey.

These ways are as follows:

-Be a Dick.

-Catch a Moderator in a bad mood.

-Pull a VS and earn the wrath of the great and powerful Hardibird.

-Poach deer in the kings forest.

-Fail to understand a Monty Python reference.

-Question a Moderator's ATHORITIE!

-Attempt to be smarmy to members of Oppositelock and other Gawker Media outlets.

-Drink the Brefast Scotch that you didn't buy.

-Take a shit during a party and not flush.

-Bragging.

-Sloth.

-Sharing things that do not need to be shared.

But be warned, there are fates worse than being banished to The Grey. I will not go over them here as we shouldn't need to.

Any questions?

Victorious Secret > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:42

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-Pull a VS and earn the wrath of the great and powerful Hardibird.

Doesn't matter, had sex.

Bad Idea Hat > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:43

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-Be a Level 2 Harlot.

Yes!

-Poach deer in the kings forest.

NOOOOOOOOOO

mr_gofast > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:43

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you should also have.....big tracts of land.....:O too soon?

mr_gofast > Victorious Secret 08/13/2014 at 21:44

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with hardibro?

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:44

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You should mention what the acceptable forms of bribery are. Just in case someone might find such information useful

Tony Montana > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:44

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So since I'm good buddies with some Colombian drug lords, can I author up to stay out of the gray?

EL_ULY > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:44

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this blog is no more, it has ceased to be, it is an ex blog

lol :]

Victorious Secret > mr_gofast 08/13/2014 at 21:44

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Can't confirm or deny, don't need to get impeached here

mr_gofast > Victorious Secret 08/13/2014 at 21:45

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right..

deekster_caddy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:47

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Any re-requesting of authorship required?

Victorious Secret > Dusty Ventures 08/13/2014 at 21:47

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You either find a beer that Gamecat doesn't know about or you beat Snap at racing.

Good luck.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Dusty Ventures 08/13/2014 at 21:49

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If they choose a bribe, they should be able to figure it out through means of lurking.

The Tunnel > EL_ULY 08/13/2014 at 21:50

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I fear that you're too right El uly. This is the beginning of the end of Oppo. what once was a shelter where a community of car enthusiasts could refugee from the daily battles of dealing with idiots ( people + drive+ smartphones or makeup) and where we could dream of owning Ford GT's and a field of golden Mclaren F1 . This is where that shelter begins to break, it becgins to decease.
The beginning of the end of oppo. This is what were living. what we bled for.
Thanks oppo for some interesting talks.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tony Montana 08/13/2014 at 21:51

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you are already out of the grey. To get authorship, search for club openings

The Tunnel > mr_gofast 08/13/2014 at 21:51

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Land is no more a mean of a trial. There is no currency now, this is anarchy. And its where all comes to an end. Sadly.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > deekster_caddy 08/13/2014 at 21:51

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no

Tony Montana > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:52

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Ahh. So I am. Which is weird, because I am none of the listed things.

The Tunnel > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:53

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this is too medieval to understand.

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:53

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I hate people who fuck it up for everyone else.
Ugh.
Will this affect oppo?

EL_ULY > The Tunnel 08/13/2014 at 21:53

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noooo! it'll be fine, mom and dad will forgive each other and things will be ok

lol :]

but for real, things will be fine I feels it

The Tunnel > Victorious Secret 08/13/2014 at 21:53

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This is true

The Tunnel > Bad Idea Hat 08/13/2014 at 21:54

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I never knew how to use that properly, if i selected it, all my paragraph went gray and in italics. can you explain the basics of using that tool?

The Tunnel > Dusty Ventures 08/13/2014 at 21:55

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Bribery by means of Ford GT valots. And Pieces of metal called silver coins.

The Tunnel > deekster_caddy 08/13/2014 at 21:56

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Awesome. So the grey comes back, that was awesome.

Bad Idea Hat > The Tunnel 08/13/2014 at 21:58

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Quote button

Paste text

Quote button (turns off quote effect)

Enter your own text

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Copy and paste next bit of text

Quote button (text off again)

Enter your own text again.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:58

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An African or European swallow?

OkCars- 22k Crossroads > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 21:59

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And when is this grey coming? i have a question, Authorship on oppo means out of the grey right?
And in front page (Jalopnik) what happens?

DasWauto > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 08/13/2014 at 21:59

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Yes, it's Kinja-wide but, as mentioned, anyone who is an author or already followed for Oppo has nothing to worry about.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > The Tunnel 08/13/2014 at 22:00

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Hit enter after you right and unselect it and it should work.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tony Montana 08/13/2014 at 22:03

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You're not a Level 2 Harlot?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > OkCars- 22k Crossroads 08/13/2014 at 22:04

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here, you're fine, there, possibly

CallMeTURBO > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:07

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so archduke, if I am followed by oppo will I still be banished to the grey on the FP

DasWauto > CallMeTURBO 08/13/2014 at 22:10

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Status on Oppo does not affect that on Jalopnik.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > CallMeTURBO 08/13/2014 at 22:11

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They are separate entities, we have no power over the Front Page.

CallMeTURBO > DasWauto 08/13/2014 at 22:12

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Ahh so I need to be followed by jalop to get out of the grey. That's unfortunate, no like effort

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Victorious Secret 08/13/2014 at 22:15

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haha, well played

Crocket Bernet > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:16

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Pretty sure we busted him for prostitution back in '84. Your story checks out.

The Transporter > Victorious Secret 08/13/2014 at 22:16

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With the number of microbreweries in my state I'll have enough ammunition to ungrey a whole army of spambots/rape gif posters.

Come at me, bro!

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:19

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Can I be a level 30 Conquistador? It was between that and a Colombian drug lord and I'm way too Northern European in my ancestry to pull that off.

Crocket Bernet > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:22

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I am at least 3 of the above things and none of them have to do with moderators. I'll let you figure out which.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:24

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Never thought I'd say this about Gawker changes, but these I can live with, if it means we won't have to deal with the spambots and foreign shit stirrers. Sad that doing this pretty much gives the trolls what they wanted, that is, recognition, but if Gawker IT can roll out a better Kinja with improved functionality later on, it's us who win.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 08/13/2014 at 22:26

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you're an author, no?

Your boy, BJR > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 08/13/2014 at 22:29

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I challenge you! AutoX time attack. Whatever you drive v. The XTS.

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:29

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You say that like it implies being a level 30 conquistador wouldn't be awesome.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion 08/13/2014 at 22:29

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The trolls and bots will still be there, but just grey before they get blocked

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 08/13/2014 at 22:31

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trust me, it is pretty damn sweet. But you don't just ask to be one, you have to level up.

mr_gofast > Your boy, BJR 08/13/2014 at 22:32

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i haz a passenger bus...can i play?

Crest > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:33

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Wait i don't get this! So what happens to the turds in the punchbowl eh?

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Your boy, BJR 08/13/2014 at 22:35

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I'd be wasting my time

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:35

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Do I have to duel with the Black Knight to level up?

TotallyThatStupid > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:41

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I used to be a Harlot, but it was so long ago I've forgotten my level. I author things on Oppo - new things, not just replies - so I'm guessing that makes me some kind of author.

Am I, like Mulder with pins in his face lounging about an invisible spacecraft, banned to the grey?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > TotallyThatStupid 08/13/2014 at 22:43

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you're not going into the grey

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Crest 08/13/2014 at 22:44

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The Grey

Crest > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:45

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I knew it! Oh well, lets see how this all ends up

TotallyThatStupid > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:45

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Whew! Scully all to myself.

Takuro Spirit > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:47

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I DEERD TO KILL A KINGS DARE

f86sabre > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 22:54

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I would post a picture of a small gold star, but yeah, we haven't hone back that far....yet.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 23:10

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Yup, but if I recall correctly we won't have to deal with them unless we specifically search for greyed out comments, correct?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion 08/13/2014 at 23:13

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kinda, also they can still reply to you so you'll still have to dismiss them or call a mod to block them if on oppo

HideyoshiJP > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 23:26

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-Be a Time Lord.

What if I'm a time lord, but Kinja fails to recognize me as such, and thus I am lost in the grey?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > HideyoshiJP 08/13/2014 at 23:29

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you shouldn't be in the grey

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/13/2014 at 23:49

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I'M A LEVEL 46 SITH LORD=BATTLE-MAGE IN SKYRIM! DUAL WIELD BATTLE-AXES FTW AND FINISH ENEMIES WITH LIGHTNING.DOES THAT COUNT? I HAVE A SPEECH SKILL OF 40 (persuades).

HideyoshiJP > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 00:01

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I'm not worried about it here, but I mostly just want to be appreciated by all for my time lord status. :'(

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:06

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http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4pa7eb…

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 08/14/2014 at 09:07

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that or grind

spanfucker retire bitch > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 08/14/2014 at 09:17

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You have to play as Spain in Age of Empires II and just fucking wreck house with the Conquistador units.

It's a lot easier then it sounds; because Conquistadors fuck shit up REAL easy.

spanfucker retire bitch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:19

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Poach deer in the kings forest.

I mean hell, even just deering to kill a King's dare is enough to get you throw into the grey.

Mattbob > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:26

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Love the choice of music.

McMike > f86sabre 08/14/2014 at 09:31

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I would post a picture of a small gold star, but yeah, we haven't hone back that far....yet.

Never say never! I keep holding on to mine, just in case...

Mattbob > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:34

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My cousins sister in law with 12 kids got out of the grey and is now writing 350 posts a month. Click here to find out how!

McMike > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:36

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Goddamnit, I just got used to this current version of Kinja. Image resizing, saving, formatting, tagging etc... seems to be the most stable it has been in months.

(sigh)

Photo of a man facepalming

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > McMike 08/14/2014 at 09:36

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That should all be the same, only with the old school grey.

McMike > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:40

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Gif of that Asian guy leaning back out of doorway eating a sandwich giving a thumbs up.

njp1589 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 09:41

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Now... when you say Monty Python references, how obscure are we talking here?

I mean, it is "Ministry of Silly walks" and "Airspeed Velocity of a Swallow," or are we talking "Spiny Norman the hedgehog?"

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > njp1589 08/14/2014 at 09:45

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mostly the well known ones, but there will be an occasional flying sheep

Enginerrrrrrrrr > f86sabre 08/14/2014 at 09:53

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That's seriously what we need to get back to. Things were so much better and life was nice, especially when posting on the FP.

Penthesilea > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 10:14

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Sloth??

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Penthesilea 08/14/2014 at 10:22

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Sloths are fine, being sloth is not. You follow?

macanamera > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 10:31

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Pull a VS and earn the wrath of the great and powerful Hardibird.

What did he do?

macanamera > Victorious Secret 08/14/2014 at 10:32

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Did you actually do something to anger Hardibro?

pauljones > Dusty Ventures 08/14/2014 at 10:34

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Pictures of cool classic cars, Erin Heatherton, Candice Swanepoel, or Brooklyn Decker work for me.

Penthesilea > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 10:35

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Yup!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > macanamera 08/14/2014 at 10:39

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deleted a comment shared to the fp byHardibird

pauljones > The Tunnel 08/14/2014 at 10:46

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Dude. Just... dude.

Go for a walk. Smell the roses. Pet a puppy. Something. Anything.

This really isn't the end of the world, let alone Oppositelock.

macanamera > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 10:50

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One of his own? How can you even do that?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > macanamera 08/14/2014 at 10:56

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Here you go.

macanamera > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 11:00

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Whoa, interesting. Never knew this happened.

Victorious Secret > macanamera 08/14/2014 at 11:28

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I got banned from front page

macanamera > Victorious Secret 08/14/2014 at 11:35

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Yeah I just found out about that...crazy.

just me > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 11:59

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OK, to be honest, you're attempts a humor have only made this more confusing. I still have no idea what "the Gray" is and if the paid Kinja Gold article I saw earlier is real or parody.

Awesome.

RotaryLover > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 12:00

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Now I can't be weird....

TheVancen- In Pursuit of a Greater Payday and Car Parts > EL_ULY 08/14/2014 at 12:01

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Perhaps its just pining?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > just me 08/14/2014 at 12:33

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The Grey is the grey.

NaturallyAspirated > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 13:01

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-Be a Level 10 Black Mage.

-Be a Level 30 Conquistador.

-Be a Level 2 Harlot.

-Be a Level 20 Knight.

-Be a Level 99 Grand Wizard.

Now I'm feeling really stupid for rolling a Bard.

Not that I didn't feel stupid about it before.

The Compromiser > norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback 08/14/2014 at 13:13

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uh, I dunno that......wait ahahahahahaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The Tunnel > pauljones 08/14/2014 at 13:22

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Haha, this was me making a stupid paragtaph im not tlking seriously.

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 15:03

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I'll take my chances with the Black Knight. He might be tough, but he sucks at sword fighting. Or do I have it backwards? Is the Black Knight the one handing out flesh wounds?

Dusty Ventures > Penthesilea 08/14/2014 at 15:22

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You are, without a doubt, one of my favorite new additions to the Oppo community. This baby sloth may or may not have something to do with that.

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/14/2014 at 15:24

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Dinsdale!

Dusty Ventures > just me 08/14/2014 at 15:26

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Jalopnik Gold/Kinja Gold are a running joke that's been tossed around for years. You'll get used to it ;)